Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
