We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
