Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
