got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize