omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize