Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
