I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
