Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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