Your mouth is God's brothel.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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