did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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