i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
