My room smells like vodka and shame
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!