my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...