So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.