If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything