I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.