omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
