hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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