how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
