So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
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i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize