ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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