jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I take back everything I said about communal showers
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
