new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
