I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
