ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
