I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
