You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I had to cum in my sink.
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