New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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