Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
