Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
