pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
