Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
