i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
