How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.