I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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