We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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