I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
