Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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