i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
