And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Randomize
