I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
