if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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