I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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