i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So many bounce houses so little time
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
