am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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