I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Randomize
