Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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