Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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