So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
