Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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