He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
