I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
