I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
