his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
