Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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