He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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