Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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