Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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