Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
