I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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