she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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