I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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