We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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