i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
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I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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