Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
