Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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