You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Michael Bay diarrhea
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.