I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He just brought a live lobster to the party.