OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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