no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?