guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
