i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Who wears a wallet chain?!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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