Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
