hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
