I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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