I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
