We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
