Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
