so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
