The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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