I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
